


The Edge of Night

by Kobalyt



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: A brief glimpse into failed relationships new and old, F/M, Letting Grumpy Cathos muse for a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 04:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2297150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kobalyt/pseuds/Kobalyt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a small look into the thought process of Athos as he struggles with darkness, light and the idea of perhaps allowing himself to love again after all these years. </p><p>Currently a work in progress. The rating may go up in later chapters, if so I will properly tag and rate accordingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Shall Fade

There had been a time when all was good in the world. It was bright, the skies were clear, love was all around in the air.  
  
Athos had prided himself on feeling that happiness once. It had been a dream so very long ago that he would find someone to settle down with. But with all, things never go quite as we plan. Occasionally when he could not sleep, he would see her in his mind. Her dark hair, the blue flowers she loved so dearly. He vowed to love her until her last breath, and even when that had come, he continued to love her for a number of years.  
  
It was a darkness that quietly crept into his heart one afternoon, one that refused to let go of Athos for even a moment. Carrying it with him though he said not a word, he held these regrets close to his heart.  
  
Then there was a lovely woman named Ninon.  
  
First thing he noticed was color. Everything had been so faded over time, the only hue that really stood out in recent memory was the deep burgundy that remain at the bottom of his glass. But now, oh how it had all changed.  
  
She was bathed in a beautiful light and he was thankful for any rays that traversed past her onto his own skin, sharing a faint warmth that he cherished more than he could express. Most people would said love at first sight does not exist. Athos would be one of the first to agree with that sentence, until this blessed moment.  
  
Oh, how the angels must have sang. Clouds parted, the Moon allowed to bathe them in a silver finer than any jewelry that could be made. This is what the heart was meant for, not the pain he had endured so long ago.  
  
Of course, that changed with Ninon had been practically forced out of Paris. While he watched the carriage leave, he felt part of his heart go with her. It had sparked something he had not felt in so long and it was a shame to force it back into a box to be placed on a shelf in the back of his mind. He had spent that day musing to himself, wondering how such a small encounter could leave him thinking even hours later.  
  
As the day grew into night, he found himself in the company of Aramis and a couple of bottles. As he poured another glass of wine, he looked up at Aramis and shook his head. "You don't understand what it feels like. To have everything ripped from your soul. You marry someone, you expect to stay with them until your dying breath. Not in the sense that you'll outlive them." He downed his glass and poured another despite Aramis' slight protests.  
  
"I don't need you to tell me how much I can or cannot drink. You wanted us to talk, we're talking. This is why everything is so shrouded in mystery, Aramis. She did that to me. She broke everything I am. But _Ninon_... Everything felt normal. For a moment I could see the gates of Heaven and before I could reach them I was cast out from the clouds, falling back into this world of dull grey shades that hold no meaning for me. This is what you'd ask me to stay for, but I ask you this in turn. When all seems lost, why do you keep living?" Athos said quietly as he watched his friend regard him with a frown. This hadn't been their first talk on the subject and Athos was certain it wouldn't be the last.  
  
"We keep living in hopes we will reach something better. You know that as well as I, Athos." Aramis replied as he watched his friend pour yet another glass. They had finished almost an entire bottle and he knew Athos wouldn't be done for some time. "We protect the people to the best of our abilities, to keep them safe and alive in hopes we can _still_ do good in this world. Being subjected to the worst that humanity has to offer sometimes, it's easy to get caught up in something good. There's no shame in that."  
  
This is how it always went... Too much time to sit and think while time crawled past them at a snail's pace. Nights like these could be dangerous if the right course of action wasn't taken, and that's why Aramis found himself with Athos that evening. He had to assure himself that Athos wouldn't do anything foolish.  
  
"This is what we fight for, to strive for something better in life?" Athos let out a bitter laugh and looked at Aramis with a frown. "This is not what I fight for. I fight to keep myself alive. I struggle every single day with the darkness that threatens to consume my soul. God will not help me in this instance. I am alone, lost to the demons that she has wrought with her bare hands. It stings more than the rope around her neck. It burns my soul like hellfire. And you would stand there and tell me we are fighting for the greater good? Aramis, you truly are a fool if you honestly think I'll suddenly change my own ideals."  
  
He slammed the glass down on the table and started to stumble past Aramis. "Leave me alone if you know what's good. If you think we can change the world, you're wrong. There is nothing but darkness and fire waiting for us all. I will not allow myself to rot somewhere because _you_ decide there is something better for us! I looked for it! I thought I found it and look where it left me!" He shouted, his anger getting the better of him. If Athos wasn't careful, this night would not end well.


	2. Until the Stars are all Alight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally heading home, darkness and more awaits the Musketeer named Athos.
> 
> Perhaps there's a chill of Winter drifting in through his window. 
> 
> (Spoilers if you haven't seen episode 1x03. Seriously. Turn back now if you haven't read it.)
> 
> (Also there appears to be a bug with my end notes. Trying to work on it, but it's stuck on displaying the note I'd written for the first chapter. My apologies.)

On nights like these, Athos felt horribly broken beyond repair. Aramis was keenly aware of that fact and gave the man his space. With the cross words that had already been shared, there would be no more need of them tonight.

Athos made his way out of the little tavern and back to his own living quarters. As he stumbled into the room, he sat down on his bed and glanced around the dark place. Everything had a tone of grey to it and it dawned on him that this is what he had been reduced to. A ghost of his former self.

Five long years he had mourned her in some small way or another. Around his neck, a locket with a portrait of a forget-me-not, her favorite flower. When he closed his eyes, he could easily be taken away to those days. Her hair in brilliant sunlight, those flowers gathered in her hands. She was Spring personified in his book.

Countless days he had spent with Anne, grown to love and even marry her. But happy memories were twisted with the thoughts that he had stilled her life with his own hand. Not directly, but to pay for her crimes it had to be done. And so underneath the tree where she was hanged, forget-me-notes grew in untold numbers.  
  
Athos could not bear the sight of the tree and vowed to never lay his eyes upon it again. To lose a brother as well as a wife, it was more than he could handle. His escape for those memories was found at the bottom of a bottle, one thing his friends stopped questioning after awhile. The Musketeers had been a lifesaver of sorts, one he was thankful to have. Without it, insanity would've been his only choice, or death.

It had led them down many roads and adventures, many tales he had to share, but none that captivated him as much as meeting Ninon de Larroque. Someone who was definitely his equal if not better than he was. She was witty, intelligent beyond belief and still had heart when those around her considered her a demon or a witch.

It still stung at the thought of her being somewhere completely new, alone and still trying to make a difference in the world. Perhaps long standing traditions could eventually be changed. Maybe she really could achieve her goals, but for now the world could wait. He wanted to see her again. Something that wouldn't come about for a rather long time, if ever.

With his slightly inebriated thoughts fading with time, Athos rested his head against his pillow and closed his eyes. He oped and prayed sleep would come swiftly for him as he didn't want to bear another moment lost in his past. In the moments before he drifted off, he could've sworn he heard the slight swish of fabric near his window, but was too tired to investigate it.

Even some ghosts had to get their rest.

**Author's Note:**

> First off, thank you for reading. This is the first fic I have posted here, something I am rather new to doing. Usually my works stay under lock and key, but hopefully others will enjoy them as much as I. There will be more to this story in time and hopefully it will go somewhere decent. 
> 
> This story was sparked by a very dear friend of mine and I discussing an episode after watching it. There was something about Athos lighting up at the sight of Ninon that captivated my attention and I felt like I had to write a bit for it.


End file.
